when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
