Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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