I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
