During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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