My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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