Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this boner is exhausting
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
