So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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