Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
