We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
