So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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