Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
