And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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