I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
