Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
