We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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