I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
