just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
