ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
