I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
