I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
