(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
