I was born with a shot glass in my hand
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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