I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
