nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Vodka?
Forever.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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