Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
