Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
