My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my poor anus
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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