i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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