i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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