So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize