It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
