Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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