**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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