Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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