I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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