i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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