I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
