Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?