if you like me you must not know who I am
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
