wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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