He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
