i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
