My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so let's talk penis.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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