Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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