Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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