did you get engaged???
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
