I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
