can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
