Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
