shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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