It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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