i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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