she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
