And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
