You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
