Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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