I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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