This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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