I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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