we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
