So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
