God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
