If i come over, it means nothing
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
