do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
