hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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