***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
