Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
