so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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