rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize