The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
